I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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