I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
