i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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