so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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