I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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