I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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