If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
