I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
