Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
