we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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