What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize