im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
