I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
My vagina just recognized that song.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
