Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
