I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
