Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
