What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
