does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize