I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
