I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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