it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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