Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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