There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
operation harelip BJ is a go
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
