Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
