it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I've blown a few things in my day
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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