no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
my shit smells like andre
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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