Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
