I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
