You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
