She announced her abortion via fbk
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
