You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize