i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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