Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize