every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
