I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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