Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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