as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
