i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
