I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
