Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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