Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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