u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I will pee on everything he values.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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