i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
