Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
