apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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