Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
