You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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