I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
