I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Who did Billy Mays play for?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
When did angry sex become our thing?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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