Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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