Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
