Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize