i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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