At least make sure they are 18
Why
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
