i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
