All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
