do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
