1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize