Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
