there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
