Just fell off a train. Bad.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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