I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I could fuck to npr.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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