he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize