i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
