just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
