How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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