Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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