i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
