We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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