I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
