How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
