never play flip cup with pint glasses
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
