You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize