My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
