on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
