You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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