I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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