so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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