I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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