My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm just crazy horny about you
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
