Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize