I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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