i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
