I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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