The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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