My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
