now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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