my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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