I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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