I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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