you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
