When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
