We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he thought i was a dude.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
