I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
