So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
