He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
