the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
